Past Present
by dinkbinks
Summary: Katie and Effy eight years later
1. Chapter 1

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna. Volunteer beta readers needed, please drop me a line at .

Chapter 1

Katie Fitch was having a wonderful day, so much so that she had to take about five minutes in the powder room of her office to stand in front of the mirror and congratulate herself, addressing herself once more as a "kickass babe" after a lifetime away from such immaturity, or in real time, after 8 years away from Roundview College.

She was the new kid in Mongrand Advertising and already she was starting to make waves as their resident event planner. It was a blessing, that file from Caring Hands, a charity that cared for abused and neglected children. She doesn't know how Ms. Holden thought of her for the project, but merely a month after drafting a proposal for it and presenting it to her boss Rachel, the press they received from planning a charity auction was paying for itself with media coverage and goodwill from potential clients.

It wasn't an exaggeration to say that she deserved all the credit for it. After all, what arrived at her desk could not be termed a project and was more like an attempt at panhandling. That was what she initially thought before she started reading through the Caring Hands file. Whoever Ms. Holden and her team were, they weren't just a bunch of bleeding hearts trying to take care of children who truly needed them. "Hardcore" was what she had in mind when she decided to quickly look them up. Elizabeth Holden and her team were dedicated to the point of blurring legal lines to try to protect those children who face abuse from those they trust most. The police and the conservative members of the media had taken to calling them the Scaring Hands, but they had no trouble enlisting the most liberal of politicians on their side.

Enlisting celebrities for the auction was easy enough. Katie has always found it easy to draw people in. And the world is full enough of starfuckers so auctioning some celebrities for a date to raise funds for charity would be a walk in the park. Well, they were mostly celebrities. One minor celebrity who is notorious for being camera shy and who has somehow made photos of her disappear is yet to be informed of her turn at the auction block, the one her boss wanted her to put in the docket. So she's primping herself to meet the notorious Elizabeth Holden to get her to agree to risk a disastrous night out with someone who has deep pockets. She had her assistant, Diane, confirm the appointment at Mauricio's, an upscale restaurant Ms. Holden went to regularly.

Since Roundview, Katie has changed. Her hair was longer now and no longer the loud red she and Emily used to wear. She decided to wear it down, the soft curls landing on her bare shoulder. What hasn't changed is her self-confidence that was momentarily shaken due to Gobbler's End. Katie remains the kind of woman no one can overlook; in an environment that was all about image,

"Can I have another shot of vodka, straight please?" Katie shot the barkeep her most seductive smile as she asked for her third round. "Forty-five fucking minutes late" she murmured under her breath as she sat at the bar waiting for the sainted, but apparently nonpunctual, Elizabeth Holden.

"I wouldn't worry about it." The barkeep, a blonde named Sheila, said as she carefully placed a filled glass in front of her. "I honestly doubt you're the kind that gets stood up."

Katie smiled slowly at the woman, knowing full well that it would be misconstrued. She couldn't help but think back to how embarrassingly provincial she was back when Emily, the timid one, was brave enough to come out of the closet. Eight years was thankfully enough time for her to grow beyond Bristol.

Emily and Naomi are still across the Atlantic where the latter was studying for a degree in Environmental Law. Her sister was a fairly successful graphic artist and Naomi, she was loathe to admit, turned out to be the kind of person worthy to be married to her sister. Naomi was a regular contributor to one of the top newspapers in England and was slowly gaining a reputation for her hard-hitting but lucid writing about various causes. Over the years their truce settled into a friendship that was cemented when Naomi, out of the blue, asked to meet her at a pub one night.

"_I've been accepted to __Harvard University. Classes start in six months." Naomi uncharacteristically agitated, bit her lip before continuing. "I haven't told Ems, yet. I wanted to talk to you first."_

"_Are you…" Katie felt her anger rising fast. "Are you going to fuck off on her, Campbell? Here to make sure I can catch her after you run off to be MSiss high-and-mighty international lawyer asshat bitch?"_

"_No."_

"_Good. Cause you know I don't have a problem with a little assault charge----"_

"_I'm here to ask for your permission, you twat." Seeing the confusion on Katie's face, Naomi took the plunge. "When it comes down to it, other than your dad, and well, JJ, in a really, really small way… You are her only family. I've been thinking about this for a while now and I know the timing is suspect, like I'm just trying to keep her close or something—"_

"_You're not a lawyer yet, babes, so how about you talk to me like you're a human being and tell me more about this permission thing."_

"_You're making it hard."_

"_You should listen to yourself. I'm the one suffering here."_

"_Katie! " Naomi digs around her purse quickly and takes out a small hemp purse which she hands to the brunette. "Open it."_

_Katie slowly unties the string of the purse and takes out a plain platinum band. "Jesus," Katie exhales the word. "You're…"_

"_I want to ask you for your permission to, well, ask her to marry me. Asking for your permission is just really a roundabout way of asking you to agree to stop putting her in the middle. I love her, Katie, and I know she loves me, but you are her constant. And if she accepts my proposal, I can't help but think that our antagonism for each other will always be a source of pain for her, and that along with her commitment to me, she would have to resign herself to having a fragmented family."_

_Katie took a long sip of her drink, still holding the band in her left hand. She silently handed the ring back to Naomi._

"_I'm asking you to trust me with her, Katie. "_

"_Fuck, Campbell. Call her and tell her you will be at my place. This is not something we can talk about in a goddamn pub. " Katie looked at the clearly nervous blonde. "Plus, in case I make you disappear, there are too many witnesses and all."_

_As soon as they were in her flat, Katie made a beeline for the kitchen to make tea. The entire time was spent in silence until she settled two mugs on the kitchen table._

"_First of all, I do realize that you could have gone and asked her without involving me in the process." Katie paused to wait for the expected snark from Naomi. The twin thought that her prospective sister-in-law must have been truly out of her mind with anxiety to forgo her usual inane comments._

"_Second, I bitch at you and all but most of it is out of, like, tradition. I know you make her happy. And all I need from you is the assurance that come hell or high water, you will try to keep her happy. Can you fucking promise me that? " _

"_I can promise you that more than anything, that's what I want." Naomi sincerely replied. "That's one of the things truly know about myself, Katie. I want to make her happy. And if by some fuck up on my part I should lose her, I would want nothing but to see her have a good life."_

_Katie thought of how far her sister and Naomi have come since Bristol, since their mother's absolute refusal to accept that her daughter is gay and how their father, despite his own views, eventually decided to side with his wife. It still embarrassed Katie sometimes, how she treated Emily's coming out. __"You know I'll never stop mocking your dress sense, right?"_

_Naomi rolled her eyes, __"I try to think of you as an irritating but necessary appendage of her personality and I've put up with your shit for that." She took a sip of her tea before continuing, "I am also aware that during those few times that I've been too involved with my job and causes you were there to remind her that I do love her."_

"_I deny that ever happened."_

"_Yeah, well, your sister was so surprised by you coming to my defense that she told me all about it. Everytime. Something about you being other than nasty to me just…she practically bounces off the walls with glee." Seeing Katie about to retaliate, the blonde decided to shift their situation a little closer to normal. "And then we followed up those conversations with unbelievable make-up sex."_

"_You are an arse."_

"_It takes one to know one. So… are we good?"_

"_When are you proposing? And has no one ever told you about a rock, as in the kind measured in carats?"_

"_That's not who we are, Katiekins. "_

"_Ugh. Please restrain yourself from another long-winded speech that contains the words conspicuous and consumption." Katie exhaled. "Can you promise me that never again will she call me to say that she feels like she has an absentee roommate instead of a partner? And can you absolutely be certain that you are now smart enough to know when someone you have to work with is putting the moves on you? Hmmn?"_

"_Yes to the first one and as for the second one, surely you realize that I wasn't going to betray Em like that."_

"_You deny that you found that Ms PhD from Cambridge attractive or interesting at least?"_

_Naomi was silent and started circling the rim of her mug with her index finger. _

_Katie continued, "Have the two of you properly discussed that or did you sweep it under the rug? Do you know how scared she was? She thought you were thinking of moving on. "_

"_That's fucking ridiculous. She knows that I can only think of a present and a future with her."_

"_Does she, now?" Katie stared intensely at Naomi. "Even you have to admit that you can be a presumptuous git."_

"_I thought… Do you think she still doubts that I am entirely committed to her?"_

Katie's musings were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Hi, Elizabeth Holden, sorry I'm late."

_Effy fucking Stonem bitch Holden._ After her initial shock, Katie could only glare at the hand offered to her. After a few moments she took the offered hand and shook it. She was determined to beat Effy at her game. _You wanna play polite and classy? I'll give you classy, you anorexic, homicidal, junkie nymphomaniac. _"Katie Fitch. No problem at all, . I'm sure you had valid reasons, such as saving the children of the world. Perhaps you would like to reschedule? Deal with another member of our team?"

"It would seem to be a waste of opportunity since we are both here." Effy was the first to break their staring match. "I understand if you want to reconsider."

Just as Katie was about to "reconsider" being polite and splashing her drink across Effy's face, Mauricio himself all red-faced and bursting with joy (or intoxication) yelled out, "Elizabeth Holden the second! How very good to see you, my darling! And why did you not bring the Elizabeth the First?! She is well, no?" He took Effy in her arms, firing his questions the entire time.

"She's doing fine, Mauricio, off to some Italian village and corrupting young men."

"Ah, I see. It's because I am not younger that she dismisses my many offers during this continuing courtship." When he let go, Mauricio noticed Katie.

"You must be the love of Effy's life, then? The one her grandmother cannot help cooing about?" He winked and extended a hand to Katie, "Mauricio Valenciano, pro bono chef to your wedding reception. And future grandfather-in-law."

"Katie Fitch. Ms. Stonem, er Ms. Holden and I are business acquaintances."

"OH." Mauricio looked at Effy for confirmation.

Effy's tight, uncomfortable smile and Katie's near glare made it clear that an exit was necessary.

"Your table is always ready for you, and I'll go do what I do," he said to Effy. He then turned to Katie and said, "enjoy your evening, Katerina, I'm sure you'll find our Effy endlessly fascinating and absolutely charming."

As soon as the head waiter ushered them into a corner table, Effy told the twin, "I wanted to let you know, but I didn't know how to do that without risking the project."

"Not a problem, Ms. Holden." Katie replied, as coolly as she can, as if they were discussing the stock exchange. As if they weren't close to killing each other five years ago. "Mongrand Advertising is committed to this project. Anything for the kids."

"Please, could we just…"

"Mr. Adrian Bucher, our executive director, believes that you should be the last person to be auctioned off. It's a good plan and I hope you would agree and cooperate." Katie delivered her lines in an almost monotone, glaring at Effy the entire time.

"You look well, Katie."

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm sure the event would be a rousing success. Thank you for this meeting." She abruptly stood up, and without a backward glance, headed for the door.

It was the fucking cold that reminded Katie that she left her goddamn Italian coat in the restaurant. She hurriedly walked to her car while fumbling for her keys and a cigarette. When she successfully got in, she was trembling, not just from the cold but the adrenaline. No wonder no one's heard of what Effy Fucking Stonem was up to. She has somehow morphed into Elizabeth Holden, child protector, darling of society, piece of shit cunt that left her for dead eight years ago at Gobbler's End.

Once inside her apartment, Katie headed straight for her kitchen, poured herself a single shot of vodka, and started rooting around for weed she hid inside a paprika bottle. After a few decent hits, she went to her office and turned on her laptop.

She opened the files containing her research on Caring Hands. A Wikipedia entry describes Ms. Holden as heir to Holden Communications, a multinational mobile phone network that is working its way to being one of the top ten companies in the universe. And Effy Stonem was its CEO, following the death of her brother.

The last statement was a fog light cutting through Katie's fuzzy consciousness: _ Ms. Holden was guardian to her three-year-old niece Alicia, whom she has now adopted following her brother's suicide._

Effy Stonem, Ms. Couldn't-be-bothered-to-wear-something-that-covers-my-entire-arse, is a mother?

Motherfucker.

"Nope" Katie said aloud, "Not just a motherfucker. A fucking rich, goody-two-shoes motherfucker who I thought was living in a dive somewhere as a crack whore, offering blowjobs for a hit."

The bottle of vodka was nearly half-empty when her doorbell rang.

She clicked a few keys to connect to her flat's security system. On her monitor, extra coat draped on her arm, was Effy Stonem.


	2. Chapter 2

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna. Volunteer beta readers needed, please drop me a message.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to FanofTV, n, untraceable17, Ryoko05, KEFFYshipper, and the shy ones . Please keep your comments coming!

Chapter notes: This is a short one. RL is giving me a bit of down time so hopefully I can update soon.

Chapter 2

She rang the bell again. Effy ran a hand through her hair, still the wild mane it was since Roundview.

_Drugs. Drugs are bad. Drugs are baaaad._ The only lucid part of Katie's brain was a teeny, fading voice repeating that refrain.

She opened the door and was slightly pleased to see an almost scared expression on Effy's face. And because she's out of practice, with alcohol and everything else, her mouth was miles ahead of her brain.

"Effy. It's been so long since we've seen each other. And why the fuck did you feel compelled to fucking change that?"

Effy silently handed Katie her coat. "May I come in?"

This was the bitch who cracked her head open and shagged her boyfriend. This was also the woman who survived three gunshot wounds inflicted by a drug-crazed monster who abused his own flesh and blood. Elizabeth Holden is trying to make things right for so many people, including her daughter, all despite her own crappy upbringing. The Fitch household may be rightfully called the Fighting Fitches but nothing could compare to the dysfunction of the Stonems.

_You know one of those situations when you remember something, some snide something someone said and you wanted to retort something that would make them shut their face for a good long while? And how you come up with the perfect reply long after the moment? This is one of those moments. But hell, it's my fucking moment and I'm taking it. __Oh my lord, I'm hungry. I hope I still have crisps lying around somewhere …_"You are so wrong, you know." Katie blinked a couple of times before continuing. "I do not look well, Elizabeth. I look HAWT." _Ha! Catty remark delivered, witty repartee done. Crisps still wanted, though._

Effy's lips curled into a smile. "Loads better without the animal print, Katie. ."

Katie opened the door and gestured for her to walk in. Effy was wearing a skirt, a full skirt. She was still skinny, and Katie was glad for the baby fat that finally left her alone.

"Anything to drink, or you know, have? I mean you hungry? I'm fucking famished, yeah?"

Effy looked on with amusement at the floundering, high Katie. "Maybe tea? For both of us?"

"Oh, hell. Do you not drink now, as well?"

"I still do. Just not as often as we did. And I drove here."

"Heh. No one should drink as often as we did." Katie put the kettle on and settled two mugs on her counter, while Effy followed her to the kitchen, partly out of concern and partly because, well, this version of Katie was cute. A question popped into her head. "How the hell did you know where I live?"

"Adrian. I told him I wanted to send you some flowers to thank you for your work."

"Men still lining up to do your bidding then."

A hurt look passed Effy's face which she tried to cover up with a tight smile.

Katie sensed the change in the atmosphere. "I know you've changed. Or I think you've changed. From what I gather. On the internet. I'm just… you know, mind wrapping around…Eight years…. Long time and all."

"You've changed too, Katie, and you used to speak English fluently."

"Fuck off." Katie said, with some amusement at her situation. Here she is, playing hostess to Effy Stonem. "Did…I mean…you knew it was me when you sent me the proposal, right?"

"I did, yes."

"Why did you do it?"

"It seemed like a good excuse to reconnect."

"---my fist to your face?"

Effy smiled bitterly.

Katie watched her closely and when Effy met her eyes, the sadness there was palpable. And because the idea of losing Emily was enough to drive her insane, she said softly and sincerely, "Sorry about Tony."

"Thank you." Effy replied just as softly before sipping her tea.

"He was well fit."

Effy looked up suddenly at that and saw the Katie's eyes barely able to hide the joke behind her statement. She couldn't help but smile.

Katie leaned a bit forward and as deadpan as possible continued, "I really mean that."

The laughter they shared afterwards was so real it was as if they were young again.

"So how are Emily and Naomi?"

"Partnered. Still prone to disgusting displays of affection."

Effy smiled. "What about you Katie?"

"Between men, I'm afraid. They are just too much work. You?"

"More important commitments."

Katie waited for a few moments. When it was clear that Effy, being the same laconic, mysterious Effy, was not going to continue, she said, "Tonight, I was supposed to convince you to be the last person on the auction block. And now that your soap opera surprise is revealed," Katie looks at Effy who has a small smirk on her face, "I have pictures of you in your shirt-dresses to blackmail you with. So, you know. You are going." She finished off with her best attempt at bitch-face.

With a much bigger smirk, Effy replied, "Oh, you kept a picture of me?. Always thought there was something lesbionic about the friendship you were offering."

"IT was a group picture. And puhlease. If I am ever with a woman, her tits better be, well, better than all this," she said as she gestured at her chest.

"Hmmn." Effy looked Katie in the eyes, smirked, then started properly ogling Katie's breasts.

"Excuse me, if you keep looking at me like that, I will have to start charging you by the hour. And I don't think your still skinny self, you bitch, can handle this on top you."

"You just assume you'll be on top, then?" Effy kept smirking.

"I always am, babes."

Effy started laughing, and soon Katie joined in. "I don't know how this is possible, but I may have missed you, Katie."

"What do you mean you may have missed me? I'm unforgettable, bitch!"


	3. Chapter 3

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work . Please keep your comments coming! To those who haven't, well, lurk on

Chapter notes: Please forgive the fact that I could not be bothered to elaborate on how the other characters have changed throughout the years. I be lazy. Also, I wrote part of this while getting drunk with really good friends. This is short and unbeta'ed. If RL keeps kicking me in the butt the way it has for the past few days, expect more distraction cakes (AKA cheap writing technique to get the ball rolling) in the near future. Gracias!

Chapter 3

The rest of the evening was pleasant enough, nothing much but a run through of the people they went to college with.

Cook now runs his uncle's pub, and to date has not run it into the ground.

Panda and Thomas divide their time between Africa and Bristol. Thomas' mother remains unsure of Britain in general, but goes increasingly fond of her strange daughter-in-law.

JJ is currently working on tenure as a professor in astrophysics.

That only left one name.

Katie, never known to let sleeping dogs lie, bit the bullet. "Freddie, last I heard from his ever helpful sister, is in New Zealand. It's still a struggle to get her to shut up about anything, so if you're ever in Bristol, run from the crazy famewhore."

Effy remained silent. When she finally spoke, it was in a soft and halting voice. "This is way overdue, but I really am sorry about him."

Katie taking pity on the woman, rolled her eyes, and said, "Young and stupid covers it, I think. I mean, seriously, all that bullshit for some skater boy? What the fuck were we thinking?"

"Not so much thinking as being driven by hormones, drugs, and rock and roll. Not the best combination."

"True, plus with genetic baggage in the mix..."

"Yeah and some with more baggage than others. So has your mum finally clued in that Naomi is not a phase?"

Katie grinned, "Lord, no. I'm just waiting for her to finally crack and try to set up Cuntbell with James, our dear pervy brother. My repeated helpful suggestions of letting her walk in on them muff diving have been summarily dismissed. Twats."

"Jesus, Katie!" Effy barely managed to say through laughter.

"It would be like shock therapy. For homophobia. I should patent the process, I think."

When she calmed down enough, Effy asked "and what cured your homophobia, Katiekins?"

"Time, growth," and with a conspiratorial wink, Katie added, "and personal experience".

Effy smirked. "And now you're waiting for me to ask you to continue… of course. Ever the tease, huh, Katie Fitch?"

"In ways you'll never know, Sweetie."

"Never?"

As Katie looked at Effy with her raised, perfectly shaped brow, for a second she saw a glimpse of the old Effy.

But Bristol is a lifetime away by now and Katie is no longer the insecure, animal-print slathered cunt she once was. So she smirked and stared right back, pushing both of them into an impasse.

Effy tried to keep her expression to a smirk but was losing the battle. In Roundview she was the enigmatic siren; in her current world her grandmother's wealth and influence has bestowed her with a sense of being untouchable. Katie Fitch, however, was not like most people she knew. To her she was simply Effy, who, like herself had changed irrevocably over the years.

Still, Effy Stonem was nothing if not self-aware, and as Elizabeth Holden she remained well aware of how far her charms can take her. It wouldn't have been entirely easy but it was certainly probable that she could use Katie's playfulness and curiosity against the redhead to win the challenge that has been issued.

Katie, on the other hand, was no rube. For the past couple of years, she has lived in an environment where appearances counted for everything and being able to discern what people were thinking was an essential survival skill. She knew the brunette was currently walking a mental tightrope. It was time to see the stuff Effy Holden was made of. So she kept hers on those beautiful eyes and gave Effy her best 'come fuck me' smile.

"There is one loophole to that." Katie smirked even wider and continued, "Admit that I impressed you during that particular transference kiss a week after we started college."


	4. Chapter 4

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work. Please keep your comments coming! To those who haven't, well, lurk on. Bear in mind that it's entirely possible that more comments and reviews mean more updates. Not that I'm begging…

Chapter notes: SPOILER! Distraction cake ahead!

Chapter 4

"You mean that sloppy, rushed attempt? That one?" Effy continued, " Or the one I doubt you remember? Cause the latter was very impressive."

"You LIE. I only slipped you the tongue once, woman."

"My unusual tolerance for alcohol and drugs is just one of those genetic gifts I have, Katiekins and I have a very good memory for such things."

"If you're so keen to remember it---"

The discreet buzz of a vibrating phone interrupted Katie. Effy opened her clutch bag and took out her mobile. "I have to take this." As she started talking, she also took out a business card and began writing on it.

"Hey, everything all right? Glad to hear it. I'll be home soon. Not that far. No, nothing of the sort, just catching up with an old friend. Yes, I will. See you soon."

"Ball and chain?" Katie asked.

"In a sense," she handed Katie the card, "here. I wrote my personal mobile number there, in case you require it for some reason or other."

It seemed to Katie that there was a nanosecond there when Effy seemed unsure that her gesture would be accepted. She took the card and replied, "do you need mine or can you manage to dig up all my personal info using your stalkerish ways?"

Katie meant the question to be playful but whatever was going on with Effy seemed to give her words more weight than she intended. _Effy Stonem was never willing to show insecurity. Well, the Effy Stonem in my head, anyway._

As Effy deliberated on her doorway, she looked towards the hall outside Katie's apartment, as if willing herself to already be over there instead of still being under the other woman's gaze.

"You've given me more slack than I deserve, Katie. I understand if you want this…if you want to keep our acquaintance to a professional one. To be clear, I want us to be more than that but the choice is now entirely yours. Thank you for your work and for welcoming me into your home."

Katie nodded and gave what she hope was a smile but could easily be mistaken for a grimace. "See you around, Eff."

"See you, Katie."

To date, the drive home is the closest Effy has come to wanting to smoke a cigarette after the past year of quitting. She willed herself to think of a pair of eyes that mirrored hers and Tony's, of the tiny voice that grounds and strengthens her despite everything.

As soon as she was in her home, she started calling for Susanne, her grandmother's trusted maid and now Alicia's babysitter.

"You didn't have to rush home, you know. You're young yet. You deserve to be out there having fun"

Effy smiled at her. This was an old conversation that would not die and because she knew it came out of genuine concern rather than being meddlesome, it warmed her to think of how much love now surrounds her as a result of her reunion with the older Elizabeth.

"I could say the same to you, Miss Susanne"

"Oh, you. Go on and say good night to the little bugger."

"How was she today?"

"Sweet as ever but we really need to be careful about what she hears. She spent at least half an hour saying "simplezz" after that daft advertisement."

"Susanne, those meerkats are awesome."

"Do not encourage her. You and your grandmother, I swear. God help us all with another Holden woman."

"Did Gran call?"

"Yes. She was full of helpful suggestions for me like "take the child shopping" and "Doctors know nothing. Fudge cannot harm a child."

Shortly after bidding Susanne went to her own room to turn in, Effy went up to Alicia's room. She always tried to be there to tuck her into bed, to read to her and finally tell her an ongoing thinly veiled story about a prince with blue eyes who had all sorts of misadventures with his friends and his mute sister.

Seeing the tiny girl asleep was the only addiction she has now. It usually triggered a whirlpool of emotions – sadness, joy, disbelief and ultimately ending in a sense of peacefulness that Effy has not known in her life prior to Alicia.

She gave her a peck on the forehead. As she pulled back, a sleepy voice told her, "you late."

"Sorry, hon, I ran into an old friend."

"M'randa?"

"Not her. This is a friend from Bristol."

"Where the prince lives?"

Effy smiled and slipped into bed next to the young girl. "Yes, where the prince lives. Did I ever tell you about when the prince went away and his sister met a strange group of people who would become her friends…"

After Alicia has fallen asleep, Effy went to her room and placed her mobile on top of her nightstand. Katie wasn't far off the mark. She already had the twin's work and personal number, her email addresses, even her social networking accounts. _Hey, not my fault that I have an eager cybergenius as one of my assistants. Just one of those CEO perks._

Meanwhile, in another area of London, Katie Fitch was busy deconstructing the very recent past. She just played hostess to Effy Holden, and it wasn't as painful as she thought it would be. It could even be described as enjoyable. Or confusing. _Yeah, I'll stick with confusing for now. And what the fuck was that about a second kiss? Fucking lying bitch. Hot bitch, though. Not that it was a surprise. Jesus, I need another fucking drink._

She settled back into her study and took Effy's card out of her pocket. _Plain black times new roman font on white. Understated._ She turned it over.

07594387167.

She stored the number, put the mobile down on her desk and stared at it.

"_You've given me more slack than I deserve, Katie. I understand if you want this…if you want to keep our acquaintance to a professional one. To be clear, I want us to be more than that but the choice is now entirely yours. Thank you for your work and for welcoming me into your home."_

She picked up her phone and started punching buttons.

Effy picked up her phone and read a message that, being privy to certain information, she knew to be from Katie.

From Katie: Thank you for your work and blah blah blah? Really, Eff? When did you turn into an old geezer?I must rescue you from yourself.

Effy considered ringing Katie but decided to pull back a little and replied to the message.

Please do. Would dinner tomorrow be too soon to start this rescuing business?

Katie answered:

Not soon enough. Same time and place? Can't wait to grill Mauricio about that cooing reference.

Effy texted back:

Sure, Katiekins. Mauricio's at 9ish.

Katie replied with finality:

See you, Skinny. Goodnyt.

Effy was surprised at the relief she felt. Just before she put her mobile down, she sent a reply:

Can't wait. P.S. You ARE a really good kisser from what I remember. I can only imagine that you got better with age. Goodnyt, Shrew.


	5. Chapter 5

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj. Please keep your comments coming! To those who haven't, well, lurk on. Bear in mind that it's entirely possible that more comments and reviews mean more updates. Not that I'm begging…

Shout out to LJ readers: I may decide to learn the LJ cut at some point, until then bear with the layout of the page.

Chapter notes: Centred texts indicate text messages, font underline is meant to prevent confusion (I hope). Also, forgive me for not using text speak.

Chapter 5

Effy arrived at Mauricio's at half past eight. By 9pm she has had three rounds and had started to feel her limbs get a bit heavier. The table she chose for her dinner with Katie was the literally the best in the house as it was Mauricio's nook, an elevated corner of the restaurant where the chef could discreetly watch his customers and staff. Intricate paneling and clever placement of indoor plants shielded her from the rest of the patrons.

Because the Holden name attracts would-be sycophants like moths to a flame, she couldn't risk interruptions on this night. She usually greeted such instances with politeness because you never really know if the face you spite today could be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow. It was one of the first lessons her grandmother taught her, after their reunion six years ago.

Despite his worldliness and the love of his young family, Tony fell prey to so many demons. Effy had discovered another outlet for her rebellion by then, that of volunteering for various causes until she found her niche with Caring Hands.

It was still a surprise to her that instead of their grandmother he named her Alicia's guardian. To her credit, aside from the occasional drink, she was clean; she wouldn't trust herself with children otherwise. However fucked up she was, Effy still lived by a moral code of protecting innocents. _Explains that long-standing friendship with Panda._

At the time Tony took his life, he was newly divorced and properly addicted. He hadn't seen his daughter for weeks and his last phone call was made to Effy, full of rambling apologies, a wish list for them all and finally he extracted a promise from Effy that whatever else occurs she should do everything she can to make sure Alicia has a happy life.

_Fucking hell, I'm too young to be this sappy._

She pressed a small button to summon a server. It was a quarter after nine and although she and Katie didn't set an exact time, she was starting to fear that the other woman changed her mind.

She reached for her mobile, scanned down her contacts for Katie and sent a message

Am I getting stood up, Shrew?

9ish by definition, covers til 9:59, Skinny

Not in the real world, Katiekins. You always make the ladies wait?

Anticipation heightens satisfaction, you know. I think we should take this dinner to another location.

Effy took out her phone and made the call. "Where are you taking me?"

Katie replied, "Harvest Dragon, Chinese restaurant across the street from where you are now. Unless you're too posh to be seen with the ploretarians…"

"You planned this."

"I planned to be spontaneous."

"Even I am confused by that statement, Shrew. What about your plans of snooping around my private life?"

"Truth?"

"Please."

"I am apparently too old for overnighters. I spent the rest of the night and the early morning talking to the lesbians on the other side of the Atlantic. And a hang over plus sleeplessness means I don't have the strength to dress to the nines to meet your privileged self." Katie sounded tired, irritated and yet still slightly flirtatious.

A mixture of relief and amusement almost led her to tease the twin about aging prematurely, but decided against it. "Ah, and did they approve of our reunion?"

"Emily wanted to know all about it, while Naomi I think immediately went on research mode about the environmental tracks of Holden Communications. So watch your back." Katie added, "They send their regards."

"I've found your dive." Effy entered the crowded restaurant. She was wearing a plain black dress, but was clearly overdressed for the venue. She spotted Katie, in jeans, her hair tied back in a loose pony tail and sipping from a large oversized paper cup. She snapped her phone shut as soon as their eyes met.

Katie did a quick scan of what Effy was wearing and smirked as the brunette sat opposite her. "Hot date?"

"Just some tease who puts out then denies it afterwards."

"Chicken?"

"Exactly."

"For dinner, twat. I'm told the chicken here is good."

"Oh." She started perusing the laminated menu, well aware at the smile Katie was trying to hide by sucking on her straw. "so how did Emily react? Truth."

"Disbelief, slight panic, wary acceptance… pretty much the same way I reacted." Seeing Effy's eyes scanning the counter, Katie could no longer contain her urge to tease Effy about her social status. "When was the last time you ate somewhere where you had to queue to order?"

"Last weekend. MacDonald's near Liverpool Station. Happy Meal. Colorful box, fun toys." Effy gave a triumphant smile after her recitation.

"Do you want to share more about the reason for that particular meal choice or do I get to pretend some more that I haven't googled you?"

Once more Effy was taken aback by Katie's candor.

"While you ponder that, since I deprived you of a dinner of Michelin standards, I'm gonna go over there and order for us both."

The kind stroke was impossible to miss and the delivery of it was a manner that Effy could now characterize as uniquely Katie. As the other woman stood up and walked on, Effy couldn't help but note that with her physique and outfit, Katie could easily be mistaken for a college student. And it was a tad unfair how Katie could be simultaneously confusing her in the heart, in the head and in the …_As a great British actress recently said…Gather, Effy, gather._


	6. Chapter 6

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj. Please keep your comments coming! To those who haven't, well, lurk on. Bear in mind that it's entirely possible that more comments and reviews mean more updates. Also, expect inconsistencies and logical gaps in this chapter and for the rest of the story, this is unbeta'ed and more importantly, real life currently does not amuse.

Shout out to LJ readers: I may decide to learn the LJ cut at some point, until then bear with the layout of the page.

Chapter notes: To those who care, sorry for the delayed update . Based on the undeserved cliffhangers I'm sure you can tell that I'm an amateur who does not do outlines and is entirely the plaything of a flighty muse.

Chapter 6

Katie spent at least 10 minutes queueing, time that Effy spent mulling over the twin's question. Effy always considered herself as one of those people born guarded, shackles up all the time. With her looks and well-honed mystique, she could always count on getting others to recognize and respect the walls she kept around herself. Tony and her grandmother were among the select few who managed to see her without armor. And now Katie has all but challenged Effy to let her in.

When Katie returned with boxes of food, Effy was reminded of Rob Fitch and his zealous devotion to "Fitchness". The feast Katie was carrying on a greasy tray would surely earn his disapproval.

"Where's the rest of the platoon we're feeding, Katie?"

"Oh, I haven't had the chance to gloat about it yet, but 2 days in the gym every week and my metabolism lets me do whatever I want. So I get to eat like this every so often."

The two began rooting through the boxes. Effy, ever the sceptic, picked a chicken wing and started judging the recommendation that Katie passed on.

"Not bad, although I seriously doubt that those claims about the absence of MSG are anywhere near credible."

Katie looked up from her fried rice. "I guess this means that you pick evasion over confession?"

Effy started wiping her hands on her napkin while Katie looked on, wondering if she pushed too far. _We were never that close after all_, she thought, _maybe she will do a runner, something I expect from the old Effy._

"I've never really had to explain my life to anyone."

"I'm looking for an exposition, really, not a rationalization in the defense mechanism sense."

"You got really smart while I wasn't looking, huh?"

"I was always smart," Katie smirked. "It's just my ego got in the way of my brain when we were younger. And to others, my tits obscured everything else about me."

Effy smirked back. "They are noteworthy. What do you want to know?"

"First, the transition from Stonem to Holden, how?"

"Elizabeth the Elder, as Mauricio somewhat refers to her, is my maternal grandmother. She and my mother had a falling out shortly before Tony was born. When my parents finally got divorced, she contacted us. Tony and I decided to live with her. After Tony died, I adopted his daughter, Alicia. I am raising her as my own and the most I want is to hopefully screw up her life in far less damaging ways than what I've had to endure."

"Do you ever go back to Bristol?"

"Only in my mind, and almost always unwillingly." Without meaning to, Effy's glanced settled for a few moments on Katie's temple. "Is it my turn to ask questions, yet?"

"Okay."

"Is this merely a truce or am I truly forgiven?"

Katie stopped to think and looked Effy straight in the eye. She rolled her eyes before replying, "On the condition that you fucking stop the goddamn melodrama, yes, all is forgiven."

"All of it?"

Katie nodded yes, but then dangled a bait, "Are you perhaps alluding to the fact that even before the skater boy you were an utter cunt to me during college?"

"That is untrue. I was no such thing towards you"

"So the part where you made me feel like I was unworthy to be in your presence was all in my head?"

"Very much so" Effy replied a little too quickly in Katie's assessment.

Katie smiled, "That lying thing just comes ever so naturally to you doesn't it?"

Effy gave a small laugh, "Give me a break, Katiekins. You wanted to forge a friendship based on the fact that we were the fittest ones in there."

"See, that was just on the surface, Ms. Enigmatic Bullshit."

"Awww, did I break your heart?"

"Bruised my ego was all. Doesn't change the fact that I was fit."

"And according to you, so was I... an assertion you made explicitly and publicly on the first day we met. Not so straight even then, huh?"

Katie started laughing, making her like her younger self, or the version of it that Effy didn't hate. "You wish."

_I do now_... Effy thought.

"My turn again," Katie said between bites, "what's it like for you, being a mom?"

Effy gave Katie one of her rare genuine smiles. "Fucking scary and exhilarating." She gave a little laugh "I know I'm making it sound like skydiving. The comparison is warranted. Also being friends with Panda helped a lot. She was and still IS an exercise in patience."

Effy waited for their shared laughter to settle before continuing, "My turn, then. First time you slept with a woman, who, when, where."

"There's like three questions in there."

Effy merely raised an eyebrow, an image that, along with her slight smile, was a throwback for Katie.

Katie replied. "New York, a few years ago, Mia, brunette, scorchingly hot, since I deserve no less."

"Was it... satisfactory?"

"Yes, it was. Very. For both parties, mind."

"No regrets?"

"Should have tried it sooner and definitely should have been much more of a sister to Ems when she was coming out."

"You two all sorted, then?"

"Yeah. I love the bitch."

"And Naomi?"

"I'll put you through a meat grinder if this gets out, but yes, I love her, too. They make each other disgustingly happy."

"Do you envy them?"

"Yes and no. Do you?"

Effy turned quiet. "My situation is a bit more complicated than finding a partner, don't you think?"

Katie, true to form, was not going to be dissuaded by Effy's usual methods "Not what I asked, Eff. Do you want the whole relationship-for-life thing?"

"Don't you? And how fucking unfair is it that those two found it in Roundview as teenagers?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. It's not right that they make me feel like I'm destined to be the spinster aunt."

"Dry spell, there, Miss Katie?"

"Is it just me or does this conversation always finds its way back to sex?"

"Let me do the gallant but not entirely accurate thing and admit that the recurring theme of sex is solely my fault because I haven't gone out with anyone serious since I broke up with someone, uhm, four, five months ago."

"Was the break-up that traumatic? I mean traumatic enough that you forgot exactly when it occurred?" Katie reached for some dimsum to tamp down her amusement and her curiosity.

"No, it was closer to a non-event. She worked a lot, so did I, I had Alicia and I honestly never thought of her as someone who would fit in that picture. The whole thing just eroded slowly and not unexpectedly." Effy straightened and said, "We're still friends," then instinctively knew what to add next, "and yes we meant it."

"That's sooo mature. When I grow up, I wanna be like you." Katie continued, "Wait, that means you're still fuck buddies, right? Still able to have the fun without the drama? Cause that is exactly what I meant when I said I wanna be like you."

"For those of us that need labels to guide us through life, yes, I suppose we could be called occasional fuck buddies." Effy patiently waited for Katie to finish sipping from her seemingly inexhaustible giant cup. She fleetingly thought of releasing a well-timed query, well-timed, that is, for something designed to make Katie spit all over herself. She merely smiled through the impulse and when it was safe for the other woman, she waited until Katie stared back at her before she asked, "When was the last time you had a good, consciousness-depriving shag, Katie? I mean the kind with someone else in the room?"


	7. Chapter 7

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj. Please keep your comments coming! To those who haven't, well, lurk on. Bear in mind that it's entirely possible that more comments and reviews mean more updates. Also, expect inconsistencies and logical gaps in this chapter and for the rest of the story, this is unbeta'ed and more importantly, real life currently does not amuse.

Shout out to LJ readers: I may decide to learn the LJ cut at some point, until then bear with the layout of the page.

Chapter notes: To those who care, sorry for the delayed update . Also, witness the debut of Voices One and Two, and be nice as this is their first gig.

Katie stared back at Effy, summoned all the fake bravura she could, and replied, "there's the Effy I knew and despised."

Effy picked up her own cup, took a small sip, leaned back against her chair, and kept her eyebrow up while looking at Katie the entire time.

Katie watched and felt like a prey being stalked. _If this is what it feels like to be pursued by Effy then the shared madness of Freddy and Cook makes sense now._ When a corner of Effy's mouth began to rise just a little bit higher, on reflex Katie swallowed. "You fucking cunt. It's been a while, okay? And stop fucking giving me that look."

Effy cocked her head a bit and changed the smirk to a smile, "Which look would that be, Katie?"

Katie wished that it was the look that she associated with Effy all those years ago, the one that announced that she thought the entire human population was uninteresting and unworthy of her. _That's not what this is, I think. This teasing isn't the well-executed put down that she used to do_. Then Katie had one of those involuntary conversations in her head where one voice pipes up and another replies. _What the fuck is it, then? _Voice one asks. _Fuck if I know, _Voice two answers. Voice one interjects, _You do know, really. You know. You're just scared shitless. Cause this is Effy Fucking Stonem, right? Stone cold fox. And stone cold full stop_. Thankfully, Katie's psyche was largely unfragmented and she, the entire entity, uttered the following, "that whole I'm-irresistible-and-we-both-know-it look… thing… that you've apparently gotten even better at. You're very resistible, just so you know."

"Why don't you tell me about it some more?"

"No."

The determined look on Katie's face and the fact that she hadn't realized how she has proven her point by saying no to Effy was just too amusing and Effy's laughter broke the impasse.

"What, pray tell, is so fucking funny now?" Katie growled. She watched the other woman try to compose herself through an unguarded moment. It occurred to Katie then that watching an unguarded Effy was another level of dangerous. "Get a hold of yourself." Voice one chimes in, _Yeah, see, right message, WRONG woman. _Voice two, _I concur. That was more of an INTERNAL memo._ Voice one returns, _Plus she's all pretty like that, why tell her to stop? _"Jesus Christ."

Misreading Katie's exasperation as outwardly directed, Effy managed to eke out, "Sorry." She straightened up, "Sorry. It's just… nice to have someone who can put me in my place like that and not walk on egg shells around me, you know?"

"I could do that. Be the one to bring you down." Voices one and two in unison, _Down south!"_ "With pleasure. I mean do it with pleasure. Knock you off the pedestal. Whenever the occasion calls for it"

"I'd like that. Well, not like exactly, but I think I need it."

"Yeah? We could start with your weight. You could gain some, maybe."

"Conversely, you could pick up a phone to warn people about changing venues instead of making them go somewhere in the last minute."

"And what is this Garbo business you pull with the masses? You own a communications company so how about you communicate?"

"Ugh. Because people suck?"

"Are you twelve?"

"Is it too late to go back to being polite friends?" Effy remarked with a too-wide smile.

"Yup. We passed that point when you started poking around my sex life."

"Heh. You said poking around."

Clearly, the other woman was stuck at age twelve during that moment. "Eff--", Katie couldn't help but be drawn in by the smile thrown her way. Smiling back, she said "Shut the fuck up."

"YOU brought sex back into the conversation. It wasn't me that time."

"Okay, Eff. Tell yourself that."

"Oh, I will. I do."

"How about instead of irritating each other, we combine our forces and irritate other people?" Katie said as she started fishing around for her mobile. "Say lesbians across the Atlantic?"

"I'm in. Also that sounds like a porn film."

"Of course you're in. And OF COURSE you'll say that." Katie said as she started dialing. Voice one chirps up, _Nice segue, Katiekins. _Voice two, living up to its name and insisting on the last word, _Ohhh, look! She's bending forward. Pretend to look up! To her eyes!" _


	8. Author's Apology Breakdown Naomily

Breakdown

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Naomi/Emily, Emily/other

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Written as a response to the use of the suicidal lesbian stereotype by the Skins peeps; Published as an apology for the lack of updates on "Past Present". To those who remain interested, Chapter 8 is in progress. Unbeta'ed, all mistakes mine.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review my work at and lj. Your encouragement brings joy.

When she went upstairs to talk to Naomi, she set the note down on a nearby desk and forestalled whatever the blonde wanted to say by moving to kiss her.

Whatever the other woman thought of what happened that time, to Emily it could only be called fucking. When they were done, she sat up, got out of bed and started looking for her clothes. It was reminiscent of another time she stormed out of a freshly fucked Naomi. With one quick glance back, she said, "If you meant it, that you'll do anything, don't be here tomorrow". She's not going to leave the blonde with a request though, so as a final point she added, "And thanks for... this. Let's do it again sometime."

A month later, at another shindig Thomas was orchestrating, Emily saw Naomi. She stared and waited for the blonde to see her, to meet her eyes. With a slight tilt of her head, she started towards the ladies room. Naomi followed and was greeted by the sight of Emily by the sink, leaning back with arms crossed. She uncrosses her arms as Naomi walked closer. With a glance to the side, Emily walks ahead into one of the cubicles.

She closed the lid and sat on the toilet. "Lock the door", she softly commanded and Naomi complied. As she began walking towards the redhead, Emily began lifting the hem of Naomi's dress and pulling her knickers down. As they gazed into each other's eyes, without hesitation Emily shoved two fingers into her and the blonde gasped, on reflex placing her hands on the other woman's shoulders.

Emily stood up and began thrusting. She placed her free hand on Naomi's lower back, pulling her in as she lifts a thigh to thrust against the back of her hand that was now insistently pumping inside the blonde.

Naomi moved to cup the other woman's face, but Emily uttered a harsh no with a particularly hard thrust.

"Please…"

"Anything, right?", Emily pulled her head down and whispered, "Come for me then".

She began moving her hand more forcefully, placing her free hand to Naomi's side to better guide the blonde's hips in time with her thrusts. With her leg solidly supported by the toilet, she had the leverage she needed. She pushed the blonde a bit back and inserted two more fingers, the most they have ever gone.

She didn't stop when the blonde hang hear head down and grabbed her shoulders. "Em...please…"

Emily held her close and sucked on her neck, her voice huskier than usual she said, "c'mon, let go and come for me, sweetheart."

She could feel the blonde begin to tremble as she almost uncontrollably began riding her hand with a look of concentration on her face. "I love you..."

"Stop talking." With frenzied movements, emily began thrusting as fast and as hard as she could, moving past the discomfort in her arm and leg. What she hadn't counted on was that with her leg hiked up, her jeans would then bunch against her clit with movements that resonated with every pull she made on Naomi. "Fuck", she exhaled as her own arousal began to rise.

They've mostly made love before Naomi fucked things up. Not that they were always vanilla, but this, what they were doing now, this was different. She certainly never had the upper hand like she did now. Some part of her was always careful with Naomi, afraid to let the other woman see how much she needed the blonde. Emily knew, more than anyone, how vulnerable Naomi was underneath her sarcastic veneer. She remembered that most of all; it was time to remind Naomi that she knew what to do with that bit of insider information. " Let go, love, I'm here".

With a few more thrusts, Naomi began clenching against her fingers, moisture drenching her hand. She kept thrusting throughout the blonde's orgasm.

Emily pulled her leg back but kept her hand inside Naomi. She leaned forward to kiss the other woman's neck. "Thanks, that was fun," she whispered as she pulled out. She left the cubicle without looking back as Naomi's tears began falling.

Before Emily managed to get out of the door to find that night's random girl, she heard Naomi say tiredly, "I'm not giving up on us, Em."

_Suit yourself_, Emily wanted to say, but walked on instead.

************

She was beautiful, pleasant enough company, and she certainly knew how to get a woman off. But Emily always needed to shut her eyes tightly before falling off the edge. She always kept them close for a few moments afterwards, afraid that her eyes would reveal that she wasn't really there, that it was the memory of someone else that made her fall, and whoever had her hand or mouth on her was a substitute. It was never enough, though, to compensate, to assuage her anger about Sophia. Even during the first time she fucked and got fucked with a strap-on, the perverse idea that she was depriving Naomi of something gave a fleeting, too fleeting, sense of getting even. She didn't stay over that night, just drove to Naomi's house, and sat outside smoking. She thought then that if she happened to see the blonde crawling home with some woman, man or beast, she would take Naomi right there and then on the street. The idea in her head that the blonde would let her do it, legs splayed and eyes screwed shut as she came hard --- Jesus, given the fucking she just got you think her cunt would get the idea and fucking stop getting wet at the mere idea of the lying cheating bitch.

She started driving home but changed her mind. She took out her mobile and began dialing a familiar number.

"Emily?", Naomi's sleepy voice greeted her, "everything all right?"

She hang up and continued to head home. When she finally closed her eyes to sleep, she chastised herself for feeling disappointed that the blonde didn't call back.


	9. Chapter 8

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj.

Shout out to LJ readers: I may decide to learn the LJ cut at some point, until then bear with the layout of the page.

Chapter notes: To those who care, sorry for the delayed update . I hope this makes up for it. This is still unbeta'ed, corrections and comments are most welcome. Sorry for the angst from the previous faux chapter, Sophia made me do it!

Chapter 8

Effy started to ask, " What time is it in…"

"Boston. They're five hours behind." Katie cut her off while listening on her mobile.

A smile lit up the twin's face and Effy couldn't help but mirror her expression. "Emsy! Yeah, I'm okay. She there? Of course she's there. Put me on speaker phone. No, not just so I could verbally abuse your wifey. I have someone I want you guys to meet." She winked at Effy and knitted her brows a bit at something she heard from the other line, " When have I done that?"

Katie punches a few buttons to set her unit on speakerphone and gestures to Effy, who then bends closer.

Naomi's voice comes on, "Fitch Bitch!"

Katie replied, "Excuse me, I believe that being Emily's bitch makes you the Fitch Bitch."

Emily's amused tone counters with, "don't you guys think this is getting old?"

"Nope, I'm still holding out hope that you will dump this one."

"Cause you want me for yourself, huh, Katiekins? So what fresh hell are you bringing us this time, twatface?"

"I wanted you guys to meet someone."

Playful groans of exasperation were heard from other end. Effy thought she might have heard someone saying something about a chastity belt sent through the post.

Katie interjects in a forceful tone, " Elizabeth Holden, meet my twin, Emily, and her something Naomi Campbell."

"Her wife, Katie. Hello, Elizabeth, run from this psycho while you can."

"Hello, Naomi, Emily." She stifles a laugh as Katie playfully sticks out her tongue and wags it. "I don't think I can do that Naomi, she's far too riveting, this one. And I think I'm sticking around until she puts out."

"Hello, Elizabeth, I'm Emily. Nice to meet you."

Katie then switched to making kissy faces at Effy while Emily was talking.

Effy started laughing. "It's lovely to meet you, Emily. I guess you're the nice twin, right?"

Naomi chirps in, "Better twin!"

Emily quickly and with facetious seriousness, adds, " This is the gospel truth."

Effy let out a throaty laugh as Katie raises her voice in fake indignation, "Fuck you all!"

Effy then asked, "Katie, wouldn't that make you the naughty twin, then?"

Katie replied, " The fun twin, you mean"

Naomi and Emily start voicing their objections.

When the patter showed no signs of slowing down, Katie said in a voice loud enough to attract attention from other patrons, " Is it just me, or are they making us unwilling witnesses to verbal foreplay?"

"I think you're right." Effy answered. She noticed that an elderly woman was glaring their way and she smirked when the hag met her eyes.

"Oi, Lesbos! Do you not recognize the voice then?"

Katie then turned to see Effy looking a little panicked. "Wait a second." She put one of her hands over Effy's then muffled the mobile with her shoulder. "Eff, are you alright with this?"

Effy was flooded with all the memories and feelings she had to endure and still do from a host of characters who would never let her forget what she was, how broken she used to be. No matter how far she has come, certain insecurities remain and so her old shields came to the front.

What Katie saw before her was a shadow of the old Effy, bracing herself for a rejection with calculated coolness. "What the fuck, right?"

Katie talks hurriedly on the mobile, " Hey bitches, why don't you muffdivers hold on for a moment." She doesn't wait for a response and instead turns to Effy. "Trust me, they'll follow my lead on this." She then reaches out and takes one of Effy's hands.

Effy shrugs and looks down on their hands, her jaw tightening slightly.

Katie leans forward and squeezes Effy's hand, giving it a little tug until the brunette met her eyes. "It's Effy, you fools, Effy Stonem. She changed her name along with other things. Google it, we'll wait."

Effy stared at their joined hands and squeezed back.

The noise from the other end made it clear that Emily and Naomi were indeed scrambling to do as Katie commanded. Katie held her hand the entire time and looked her in the eyes, only stopping when she rolled her eyes as the reaction from the other end of the line grew more and more excited.

Naomi was the first to address them, "Fucking hell, Eff, you just ran away from the little lost girl routine, didn't you?"

Effy replied with a shaky smile, "Still lost, Campbell, just a little less so these days."

Katie added, "And she dresses down to the knees now. She's discovered that thighs can still exist if they are not seen."

Katie waited for a particular voice for a beat then asked, "Ems?"

Emily softly responded, "Hey, Effy, it's… interesting to hear from you again. So…you're settled?"

Effy replied, "I'm a little saner these days, yes."

Katie squeezed Effy's hand a little tighter as she added, " And we all know I'm the last person to attest to that without believing it so this entire conversation should be testament enough to the truth of that assertion."

Naomi brings a bit of levity by saying, "It still scares me when she talks like an adult! Effy, can you do us a favor and try to fix Katie up with someone with stamina. Our sex life suffers whenever the pendulum swings on her otherwise overflowing social calendar, and by social calendar I mean her harem rota. Without the harem it's like having a conversation with her while she's trying to channel Thatcher. It produces the same effect as a using a dental dam."

When the laughter all around waned a bit, Katie decided another method of attack against her sister-in-law. "Ems, if she makes another David Lynch-inspired Dead Ringer joke, could you please slap her head for me?"

Emily laughingly replied, "Nope. Emsy shum, Katie. Domestic violence, you know."

The sound of laughter coming from the mobile was both infectious and suggestive of the initiation of certain activities from the expats.

"Fucking hell, I could practically hear your knickers dropping from here. Get a grip, lezzers, polite society and all…"

Effy slightly squeezed Katie's hand, and spoke in a soft tone, "you know I could leave to give you the opportunity to talk about me."

"Babes, I already called you all the names in the book to your face so it'd be kinda moot for you to go." Katie smiled at Effy as she said this, and sensing that she remained unconvinced, the twin added, "and if you go, you won't hear me call you names from the other book, the one that doesn't have words like slag and cunt."

"You've read that book?" Effy smiled, her relief evident in her eyes.

"You've read two books?" This came from Naomi, who, along with Emily was momentarily forgotten by the newly reacquainted friends.

"Fuck off, Campbell. You know that I'm all up with the literacy."

Effy shuffled a bit closer to Katie, with only the mobile between their faces. "I can vouch for that. I sent her a proposal of some several thousand words and she, like, read it, between the covers."

"I'm sorry, was that supposed to be a compliment?" Katie interjected.

Emily asked, "Did it have big words?"

At the sound of joint laughter from couple, Effy added, "Yes, and plenty of illustrations."

"I see, I try to be a decent human being and you all gang up on me! Humanity sucks, yo!"

"You know we all love you, Katie!" Naomi shouted. "You are the fiercest creature, evah!"

As the teasing went back and forth, Effy took a moment to marvel at how much the dynamic has changed between the sisters and between Katie and Naomi. Her thoughts drifted to happier times with her brother, who could be acerbic , loving , witty and cruel at the turn of a dime. Sadly, towards the end Tony tended to be more cruel than loving. With her mood slowly sinking, Effy only barely heard Emily asking Katie for her number and the latter teasing her sister about being so brazen by making a play for another woman with her wife in hearing and hitting distance.

"Sapphists, I believe our CEO is getting tired and needs her rest to better realize her plans for world domination. We'll talk to you guys, soon… Yeah, Ems, I always do. Please stop worrying. Fuck you, too, Campbell! No, I do not! Do not! Ugh, bitch!"

Katie hung up with a smile that slowly faded as she watched Effy struggle to fake one. "If you miss having a sibling so much, Emily and I will happily, joyfully, ecstatically give you James."

The laughter that Effy let out was the most genuine she had had in a long while.


	10. Chapter 9

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: Massive apology for the delay. I may rewrite some earlier chapter to remedy a grievous error in logic but for the sake of getting this story going, the rest of the story shall proceed according to the premise that the Lesbians across the Atlantic only learned of the changes undergone by Effy during their four-way conversation. This is inspired by all the great Keffy fics out there. Feedback would be manna.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj. To Elli Timmers, thanks for the prodding . Hope this doesn't disappoint.

Chapter notes: This is still unbeta'ed, corrections and comments are most welcome.

Chapter 9

The rest of the evening had gone well. Katie was at turns funny and flirtatious, and Effy gave as good as she got.

As they were about to say their goodbyes, Katie reluctantly held on to Effy's wrist and said, " I'm really sorry about this, Eff, but Emily, that twat who tries to overcompensate for being in another continent by being obsessively protective, well, as much as she can-"

Effy looked in surprise which was followed by amusement that increased by the second as Katie rambled on.

When Katie saw Effy grinning at her, it stopped her verbal spewing. This version of Effy was even more dangerous to her than the one who silently lorded over Roundview. "I…ah, she wrangled your number from me, no doubt to pester you about how I'm doing or some such nonsense. Consider yourself warned."

"And what you're not saying is that she might call to check up on me, if I'm now a suitable influence?" Effy said with a smirk that she wished masked how close to the truth her question was.

"What am I twelve?"

"Umm… in terms of height, yes."

"Bitch."

"You love me and I know it."

"Well, she might do that, too. Emily, I mean…20 questions and the like."

"I'd expect no less." They began walking towards Effy's car, having agreed earlier that she would drive Katie home. "I don't want you to hear it second hand, so I want you to know that I'm not out to fuck you up, Katie. I'd like to think that I'm over that juvenile bullshit."

Katie nodded and they continued walking. As they walked towards Effy's car, she was surprised to find a chauffeur standing next to it. She turned to Effy with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"What? I had a few while waiting for you to grace me with your presence at our intended rendezvous."

"Who the fuck talks like that? Ohhh, right. Rich bitches." As they approached the rear of the car, Katie did a sprint and laughingly called out, "Shotgun!".

Effy watched from the rear seat as Katie introduced herself to the driver, Lawrence, who was no doubt surprised by the self-confessed true blue member of the hoi polloi currently seated at the passenger seat.

When Katie started rattling off her address, Effy interrupted with a dry, "He knows".

That gave Katie pause, for a few seconds at least. "Lawrence, you know where I live? We barely know each other and yet you're already privy to such details? How forward of you. Most intrusive, Lawrence. Unacceptable, really."

Lawrence, unsure of how to respond, checked the rear view mirror to see Effy shaking her head while looking out the window. "Shan't happen again, Miss."

"Dirty job, eh, Lawrence? Having to intrude and such."

Clearly sensing that Effy was enjoying it, Lawrence decided it would be safe to play along with the unpredictable Katie Fitch. "Most filthy, Miss."

The rest of the drive was spent with Katie badgering Lawrence with all sorts of questions and insisting repeatedly that he call her by her name. By the time they got to Katie's apartment building, the two were trying to settle on the twin being addressed as Miss Katie. Effy also realized with some guilt that she learned more about Lawrence that she ever bothered to, thinking it beyond the boundaries of their professional relationship to pry.

"As you very well know, Lawrence, this is my stop. I adored meeting you, my fellow member of the working class. And to any bourgeois bitches who might be listening, thanks for a very cultured evening. Please rattle your jewelry if the feeling is mutual."

Katie quickly got out before Effy could respond. She decided that a cut-and-run was best at that point. Unsurprisingly, she heard a car door opening and closing behind her.

"Katie."

"Lawrence."

With an obvious nod of his head towards the car, he continued. "I have to give you a dreadful message from…"

"Yes?"

With a grimace, Lawrence extended his right hand in front of him, middle finger extended.

She gave another cheerful goodbye to the clearly discomfited man and then went in. She took out her mobile as soon as she got through her front door.

**What other unsavory things do you delegate to poor workers, Skinny?**

**Can't talk as I am a very busy, serious adult.**

**Who, now?**

**I need you to forward me your sister's number to get that conversation over with. And, I'm so telling on you**

"Are you serious?" Katie hoped that she somehow kept panic out of her voice.

"I don't see the sense in waiting to reassure her. Do you?"

"Tell her to relax, for fuck's sake."

"Should she?"

"Huh?"

"We've got a lot of ground to cover and I… I'll call you back when I get home, okay?"

"What's with the ominous tone, though?"

"It's nothing bad, Katie. I just want to get to know this Katie Fitch. The one without animal print."

"I'm still fit and gorgeous. All you need to know, really."

"Call you back in a few."

"Sure. Give Lawrence my number, if he doesn't already have it. He's hot for an old bugger."

"Shut up, Katie."

"Sticking to my class, you know?"

_Game, Fitch, _Katie thought as she heard that Effy hung up. She scrolled her list of contacts and forwarded Emily's number.


	11. Chapter 10

Past Present

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Skins, Katie/Effy

Rating: M

Author's Notes: The muse is being too coy. Prompts are welcome.

Gratitude Alert: Thank you to all those who review this work at and lj.

Chapter notes: This is still unbeta'ed, corrections and comments are most welcome.

Chapter 10

Six-thirty AM

Katie was woken up by a persistent ringing sound, which, once the cobwebs started to clear, she recognized as her personal mobile. As a rule she turned off her business mobile every Friday night. Being the up and comer that she is, though, her boss Adrian is listed among the contacts in her other phone, giving him the opportunity to contact her at any time.

She was surprised to see the name flashing on the small screen. After all, it was merely five or so hours ago when they last talked, about nothing and everything.

"Effy?"

"'lo?"

"Effy? It's too early for this, don't you think? I'm all talked out, honestly. And something seems wrong with your connection"

"'lo?"

"Effy, c'mon…"

"'lo?"

"What the fuck?"

"Woddafak"

"What" Katie's face crumpled in confusion. Then she heard it. Gurgling. Gurgling and giggling. It finally clicked in her mind that she had been talking to the youngest member of the Holden family.

"Woddafak"

_Shit_, Katie thought, _oh, fuck me sideways_. She recalled the pride in Effy's voice when talking about how Alicia was in that phase where everything was repeated incessantly, especially something that seems to shock the adults around her.

She hurriedly ended the call and began drafting a text message.

Three Hours later

As Effy rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, she turned to see various items scattered on the other side of her bed. Someone has managed to empty the contents of her handbag onto the bed. Effy smiled at the idea of the culprit, Alicia, being unable to wake her up and deciding to amuse herself. Susanne must have taken the rascal out for breakfast when she found the child's room empty.

Usually Effy was up by 8AM even on weekends to spend her free time with Alicia. The marathon session with Katie made it impossible for her to get up early this morning. She wasn't about to complain, though. Sleep deprivation was a small price to pay to catch up on the woman Katie turned out to be.

Among the items littered on her bed was her mobile. She began checking her messages and found a few unread ones, three from her grandmother and one from Katie. The messages from her grandmother turned out to be one message sent in triplicate; She was slowly eased into using a mobile phone and having her use the texting service was still a work in progress.

She began reading Katie's message:

I thought it was you on the phone. Sorry for the added color to your kid's vocab.

Effy checked the register of calls and from there had a pretty good idea of what happened. She also knew about the panic of hearing profanity repeated back to you by a child. Just last week she spent a bit of time trying to distract Alicia's interest away from the phrase "mader fak".

Letting Katie off the hook, though, would seem like such a waste. Whenever she was flustered, Katie's lisp came at full force and her lower lip did this lopsided movement. It was adorable. Every time. So she sent a message of her own.

Just woke up and off to sort Allie. We WILL talk later.

She went to find Alicia with Susanne in the lounge. "Hey Allie." She went to pick up the little girl who sat in a rug with various toys scattered about. She gave a small smile to Susanne. She was bewildered by the other woman's mumbled warning about having her work cut out for her.

Allie turned to her with those familiar eyes, arms outstretched. "Ma!"

"Hello, sweetheart."

Showing Effy what she recently learned was a good response to the word, "Hello", Allie replied with glee, "Woddafak."

"What?"

"Woddafak"

"Oh sh…shenanigans." She gave the child a squeeze as Susanne came in with her breakfast on a tray and a bowl of ice cream with syrup.

They began the process of plying Allie with the treat while trying to get her to say "Good morning" instead of her new favourite catchphrase. The hardest part of the struggle was for the adults to get the shock out of their faces whenever the little girl chanted "woddafak". The little girl could hardly be blamed given how she could sense amusement in her mother's eyes as well.

After breakfast, mom and daughter went to the nursery for some reading. The Stonem kids were always well read; when they weren't fighting or drinking, their parents could be found parked in front of the television and the children devised ways to entertain themselves. Effy doubted that either of her parents could pinpoint when exactly the entertainment had evolved into drug and alcohol use.

When Allie started getting restless, Effy set her down on the floor amongst her toys while she went out to a part of the balcony where she can still keep an eye on the girl. It was time to hear that lisp.

A few rings later, during which she imagined Katie to balk while looking at her own phone, she was greeted by that familiar voice delivered in a slightly higher pitch. "Effy."

"Katie Fitch, corruptor of minors, how are you?"

"Fuck, I didn't know, okay? I saw your name and I naturally assumed you were on the other end of the line. You would do the same surely, and then I heard this giggling and I…."

Katie's lisping babble was interrupted only by the laughter that Effy could no longer hold in.

"Ugh, you bitch! Stop laughing already!"

"Problem sorted, Shrew. Keep your knickers on."

"It was scary, yeah?"

"It took a lot of work to undo what you taught Allie. You should make it up to me."

"How?"

"You come up with something. " Effy paused, thinking the moment as good as any for the task, "I emailed your sister. Swore up and down that to the best of my ability I shall cheer you up, pimp you out… you know."

"Uh huh. You gonna shell out for my dowry, too?"

"Yeah, I think we need to ask Bill Gates for that one. Hard sell and all"

"Bitch. Did you at least tell her I was doing fine?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think you are."

"Why?"

"You couldn't convince me otherwise, Kay. What chance did you think I have of convincing your twin sister?"

"My twin sister, Eff, is busy forging a life of her own and I am doing the same here in merry England. She doesn't need to waste energy worrying about me when I am quite happy with the life I lead. Some of us don't need a Naomi to be counted as happy."

"I don't mean it like that, Katie." Effy moved a bit towards the edge of the balcony, making sure that Allie was still within her view.

"And some of us have to work for our success, Effy. Most of us certainly don't inherit it."

"Katie…"

"Look, can I talk to you later? I'm on my way out for groceries."

In this case, "later" turned out to be eleven in the evening. Effy was curled up next to Allie as she carefully reached for the mobile she tucked under a pillow. She took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

"Katie"

"Hey. Sorry about my freak out earlier."

"It's fine." Effy gently extricated away from the bed and sat on a nearby armchair.

"You didn't deserve it, though…" Katie trailed off, trying to find the right words.

After a heavy silence, Effy gently said "take all the time you need, Katie. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't know if you'll understand. It just feels like everyone has moved on and I'm the only one left unsure of what to do."

"And you're scared that it's always going to be like that."

"Bloody fucking terrified."

"Or worse, that you end up screwing up your life and someone else's life along with yours."

"Almost makes you wanna go back to the times when we fought over Freddie Sodding McClair, doesn't it?"

"Almost" Effy replied with a laugh. "I'm sure Emily can handle hearing all this."

"She worries too fucking much as it is."

"I can dress you in bubble wrap and seal you in a padded room and she will still find a reason to worry about you. Tony was like that, too, before it was too late for him to care about anything."

Katie replied carefully, "that wasn't him, though, in the end. And, bubble wrap? What kind of kinky shit have you gotten into, Stonem?"

Effy carefully got up out of the chair and headed for her study. "I think we've spent enough conversation on drama today. How about we come up with a plan to get you laid, instead? I suspect this morning's outburst is hormonal in nature."

"Is Lawrence free from servitude for the rest of the weekend?"

"Not right, Katie. You would kill that man." She continued, "And it would be hell to find a replacement for him. How about someone of the fairer sex? I seem to remember you congratulating yourself about performing well in that area."

"I consistently perform above par, babes, whatever the equipment I have to deal with. And the women I come across these days are not worth the work. What about you? Is that beneficial friendship working well enough?"

"It's convenient."

"That is just ever so romantic, Effy. You make me swoon."

"Like you said, too much work otherwise."

"What about men?"

"Less work but less benefits; in short, not worth the investment"

"Spoken like a capitalist."

"Uh huh. I fuck like a socialist, though."

"What's that mean?"

"Dunno, but it sounded cool in my head."

Katie laughed and Effy followed. "What the fuck are we gonna do with each other, Eff?"

"Are you implying something, Katie?" The line was delivered in a monotone, but Effy knew that Katie would read through it.

Katie replied , "Are you offering something, Effy?"

"Are you interested?"

Katie paused for a moment and retaliated, "Aren't you?"

"You ARE dangerous, Katie Fitch." Effy replied after a long pause.

"Are you saying that I, wee little me, managed to rattle the great Effy Stonem?"

"You intrigue me, that's all."

"Good thing we're having this conversation over the phone, because I'm slightly stoned and somewhat drunk. If you were within touching range, things could get complicated."

Effy fell silent, unsure of whether or not Katie was serious. She also wondered how drunk and stoned Katie really was. She suspected that if this talk went on long enough, she will be subjected to the kind of confessional that the drunken and high are prone to do. So she really should initiate some kind of termination before Katie embarrasses herself. Letting people talk themselves into such revelations was her modus operandi, back in the day. Let people talk long enough and they will give you whatever ammunition you need to manipulate them. _All that and you could add the simple truth that applies in this case: Katie Fitch is fascinating. Naturally, you would want to know more about her._ From what she remember, Katie can be very candid when intoxicated.

"Complicated in what way, Katie?"

Effy could practically see the slight upward motion of Katie's lips.

"Maybe I'll try to fuck you. Maybe you'll let me. Maybe we will then pretend it never happened, and eventually we'll pretend we never met."

"Or maybe we could be friends who occasionally fuck each other."

"I tend to separate my fucking from my caring, you see." She paused and from the other end Effy could hear the familiar sound of a cigarette being lit. "And you, my friend, are very fuckable."

Effy let out a breath. "I don't quite know how to respond to that."

"Wow. Eight years ago I would have sold my soul to hear you say something like that." Katie sighed and continued, "Don't worry, Eff, I probably won't remember this in the morning."

"But I will."

"The curse of the sober." Katie stood up from the couch and went to her bedroom. Stubbing out her cigarette on an ashtray on the nightstand, she said, "Between the two of us, we have enough baggage to open a small shop."

Effy waited for the other woman to continue. Effy has always capitalized on her ability to read people, and the fact that they gravitated to her mostly because they couldn't figure her out. This situation with Katie was unusual. This time she was the one dealing with an enigma. She waited for the other woman to continue until she heard the unmistakable sound of Katie Fitch slightly snoring. She suspected that it would be a while yet before she, too, could go to sleep. "Curse of the sober. Too damn right."


	12. Chapter 11

Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay. More K/Effy coming up soon. In the meantime I hope you enjoy a bit of Fitch Twinteraction.

Katie awoke with a splitting headache. She vaguely remembered talking to Effy. Something in the back of her head is trying to remind her that she must have somehow embarrassed herself and being the only non-sober party in a conversation for two, she wondered what ammunition she has just given Effy.

She picked up her mobile and rang Emily.

"Hey Katie!"

"Don't fucking talk so loud, Ems. This new fangled technology can pick up and transmit even soft sounds."

"Do I have to guess?"

"I merely knocked back a few to celebrate a career coup, bitch. You're talking to a senior account executive of one of the best advertising firms in the kick-ass city of London."

Katie heard a squeal and more high-pitched noises following her revelation.

"I could've timed this better", Katie said with a smile.

"Are they going to give you a vacation soon? We could meet up in New York."

"Not for at least six months or so. We've got plenty lined up."

Both women were silent as they were reminded of their distance.

"I really miss you, Ems", Katie said softly, "But a few months isn't that much of a wait."

"I love you, Kay."

"Which is why I fully expect to be waited on hand and foot when I return to that colony."

"Piss off, cunt. And don't try blackmailing my wife to do your laundry again."

"I cannot help it that your wife still has some unconscious belief that my continued approval of her is necessary for you to want to spend forever and six days with her, babes."

"And the fact that you exploit that every chance you get is her fault how?"

"Not her fault. Not mine either. I'm Katie Fucking Fitch. It's in my nature to win."

"Last week I caught her researching how she could send Chinese food from Boston to London, Katie."

Katie laughed loudly for a few seconds before groaning in pain. "Fuck, I have to get up to get aspirin. Why didn't I stock some on this nightstand?"

"Because the stupid are not known for their planning skills?"

"Right, go ahead and abuse me while I'm in pain. Naomi there?"

"No. She's at some group work thing."

"How's your work doing?"

"I'm currently trying to make the rounds, meeting and greeting various publishers and authors."

"I always thought you would write and illustrate your own book, Emily."

"Eventually. Perhaps."

"Am I going to be alive during that time?"

"Not at the rate your going."

"Ems, how many times do I have to tell you? I am fine."

"Don't make me make JJ spy on you."

"Ha! As if you can talk to JJ without causing a particular strange face twist tic on Naomi."

"She doesn't do that. It was a pity fuck that happened ages ago, Katie. Stop teasing Naoms about it."

"I will when it stops being funny." Katie smirked while visualizing her twin rolling her eyes.

"How's Effy doing?"

"She's Effy."

Emily sarcastically replied, "Wow, you almost convinced me that there's no back story there."

"We're… you know, like, tentative friends."

"Which means what?"

"Closer that most but not too close, I guess."

"Hmm… Is that how the advertising execs talk these days?"

"That's senior advertising executive to you, freelancer."

"So, Effy. Talk to me."

"She's still Scary Stonem."

"She seems sincere. Come to think of it, Effy was always the honest sort. Brutally, most of the time."

"Until she decides you're not worthy and drop your ass."

"I don't think she will drop your ass." Emily added, "Rather, I don't think she can since you have a big ass."

"Funny. You've been hanging out with Cuntbell too long."

"Her offer of friendship seems real."

"I don't think we have enough in common."

"How so?"

"She's a proper adult now, you know?"

"So are you."

"In age, yeah."

"You can be Gail to her Oprah."

"Jesus bloody Christ, woman. Stop talking like a fucking Yank."

"Shut up. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? Not like she'll hit you on the head with a rock and then fuck your boyfriend because it would be unoriginal and you don't have a boyfriend."

"Thank you for that kind reminder of distant past."

"Don't kill this friendship like you've done to others countless of times."

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"Remember Bridget? That woman who was about to be a BFF until she put a Celine Dion CD on in her car?"

"Celine Dion, love. You defeated your own argument right there."

"And then there's Julia and Nelson-"

"Who wanted to spend every moment showing off photos, apps and power point presentations about their baby—"

"You need friends, Kay."

"I have plenty."

"You have plenty of people you party with."

"Yeah, I'm a popular bitch."

"I'm talking about real connections, Katie."

"I'm too hung over for the rest of this conversation."

"Give Effy a chance."

"I will."

"Uh. Huh."

"Why do you keep pushing this? How much talking have you two possible done?"

"I can't be there for you, Katie, and I'm hoping given time she'll make a good enough proxy."

"I can take care of myself, Emily. And we talk all the time."

"I just don't want a repeat of last year. Do you fucking know how much it killed me to get that call here in fucking Boston and be told by some stranger—"

"I get it, alright. And it was a damn accident. How many more bloody times do I have to explain that bit to you?"

Katie could tell from the silence that Emily was trying not to cry. "Sweetie, I'm sticking around for a long, long time yet, long enough to be the crazy aunt to whatever freaks you and Campbell will produce." She continued, "I'm out of that scene, Ems."

"I love you, bitch."

"Love you too, cunt. Say hi to your sex slave for me."


	13. Chapter 12 Aka, the author is not dead

Author's Note: Dear friends, on a lark, I checked my ff account and found that this was still being read despite my woeful neglect. This chapter might seem like jumping the gun, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

Chapter Note/s: Reference to the movie, _Clueless_.

Chapter 12

After breakfast and a nap, Katie finally felt like a human being instead of microwaved shit. She decided it was time to face whatever it was that transpired between her and Effy the night before.

_Thank the geeks for modern technology_, she thought as she sent a text message asking Effy to call her, _and the many ways they have come up with to connect with people from a safe, safe distance_.

She was counting on Effy being too busy thus giving her a reprieve of sorts.

She almost jumped out of her skin when her mobile rang mere minutes later. "Oh, fuck." _Suck it up, Fitch. _

"Hey."

"Hi, Katie. Slept off the spirits, I take it?"

"Peachy, thanks. How are you?"

"Bit bored, actually. My grandmother decided to come home and take Alicia shopping. I was ordered to stay away from them because I'm the only one who can at least attempt to stop her from spoiling my child."

"I will always find it weird to hear you talk like a proper adult."

"I could pepper my talk with squeals and OMGs, if you like."

"I don't think you could play stupid, Effy. I, however, can do it really well."

"Huh."

"See, what I did there was give you an opening."

"For what?"

"For you to recount my drunken rambling, which I am ninety-nine percent sure I delivered last night."

"You did."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did I say?"

"You talked like a drunken person," Effy paused and hoped the next bit was believable, "and I listened like a sleepy person. It was not the kind of conversation historians would chronicle or speculate about."

"Oh, you're going to be all diplomatic on me, now. I know I'm stupid when I'm drunk, so just lay it on me."

"And I'm partially deaf when I'm sleepy. What happened was you say something and I insert alternating "uh-huhs" and "uh-hmms" while you're catching your breath or pondering your next thought. It was barely a conversation."

"This from a woman who could remember everything while she was off her face?"

"Do you really think I would pass up a chance to wind you up, Katiekins?"

"No… I don't know…"

"Well, trust that I won't. "

"Why are you being…nice?"

Effy issued a clearly fake gasp. "Did you just call me nice? How very dare you!"

"You're Effy, you're supposed to be all snark and irony and heavy silences."

What started as a chuckle from Effy soon blew up into a shared laughing fit. "You just made me seem like some arthouse reject."

"Don't even pretend that you didn't know you were walking the halls of Roundview with your gravitational pull slash enigmatic mojo. I'm Effy, you cannot possibly fathom my ways and thoughts, you mere mortal!"

"I was not like that."

"Hm-hmm. I am Effy, fear me and my feminine wiles!"

"I think I like Drunken Katie better than Sober Katie. Can you put the former on the line please?"

"You're really not going to give anything up about last night, are you?"

"There's nothing to give up, Ms. Serial Monogamist Since Seven."

Katie smiled. Extracting information from Effy was as difficult as it was back in college, although in this instance, even the failure to do so was pleasant. "Does it seem to you too, that our entire conversation thus far sounds like something that would occur between two twat girlfriends having mani-pedis together? Are we about to discuss celebrities soon?"

"God, no, please." Effy continued, " I really hate you, Katie Fitch. There, does that make it better?"

"I hate you more."

"Hey, you want to hate me at McDonalds? Alicia and I go every Saturday that I'm free but as I said, she's off with another pseudo-adult. And I'd really like a cheeseburger. I know you could use one too, you lush."

"Wow. McDonalds. Fancy!"

"Cunt."

" Supersize me!"

"I want that cheeseburger and I'm gonna have it with or without you, Fitch."

"You're having it with me. I want to see this. And since I'm still semi-impaired, I get to choose the outlet that's nearest to my flat."

Half an hour later, Effy was standing on a queue while Katie waited at a table. She returned with a Happy Meal and two cheeseburgers, ignoring Katie's demands for a salad. At the pointed look she received, Effy just replied, "Sometimes I'm also partially deaf while fully awake, in addition to the partial deafness while sleepy."

"From the lips to the hips." Katie replied, even as she started to eat.

"From the lisp to the hips."

"Really, Eff?"

"What? I like your lips, lisp, I mean."

"Well, I hate your face." Katie tried to look menacing as she said the words but her stupid, stupid lips thought a smile was more appropriate.

Despite Effy's best intentions, certain information revealed by an intoxicated certain other person was bubbling in her conscious. "I'm absolutely certain that you do."

"It's smug and it has weird eyes."

"Don't forget to insult my lips," Effy supplied and watched as Katie fell for it.

Something began to click in Katie's mind. "Oh, shit. " Effy's smirk cemented her doubts. "I hit on you last night, didn't I?"

"You didn't."

"You fucking liar."

"I know that the real you finds me repulsive."

"True, that."

"Pity for me that I find you compelling and extremely hot. That's hot with a double t."

"And your sexy, self-confident thing is wasted on me. So better direct it elsewhere that would let you get somewhere."

"For the sake of argument, what do you think would happen if we dated?"

"Each other?"

"Yes."

"Train wreck. Homicide. You pining over me. In a word, big, giant mess."

"Ehrm, those were three words?"

Katie shook her head in mild exasperation. "What are you trying to do here?"

"I am trying to flirt with you."

"Because while I was drunk I gave you the false idea that I would like to sleep with you?"

"No."

That monosyllabic response started a staring contest. Katie, being the more impatient of the two, broke the impasse. "Are we done with this mind fuck?"

"It's not a mind fuck, Katie. It's just a discussion between two adults."

"I don't think we should waste our time on an unlikely hypothetical situation."

"So we should leave it at that?"

"We should."

"For now."

"For ever. If you were a guy, Eff, I would be telling you to direct your dick elsewhere."

"Wait, didn't you tell me to direct my sexy something something in the same way? Ouch. And gross."

Katie laughed at the grimace the other woman made. "Some parts of your brain started regressing to the same age as your kid, didn't it?"

"I know."

"Is the Happy Meal really for Alicia?"

Effy grinned, "The toy and the box are."

"Shall we walk off the grease that we just ate?"

"Where to?"

"Coffee?"

"Okay."

When Effy continued walking after they went past her car, Katie turned to her and asked, "Don't you want to leave your Happy Box in your Happy Car?"

"Nope, it makes a good accessory. This café we're going to, how attached are you to it?"

"Not really, why?"

"I was thinking that we could go in there in character. As Patsy and Eddie."

"AbFab. Oh, of course, you get to be Patsy, right?"

"If the shoe fits. Patsy and Eddie slept with each other, right?"

"This topic again? And no, I don't think they did."

"But they did get married."

"Yeah, but only because they wanted to find Serge…"

When they entered the café, Katie insisted on a) paying and b)on Effy staying put while she made their orders. No such luck as the other woman stood behind her and asked the barista if the lovely shirt she was wearing was "Lacroix, darling?"

"Did you always have this goofy side?"

"Why did you think I was friends with Pandora?"

"Because she was non-threatening?"

"That, too."

"Shall we wrap this up before you come up with any more crazy ideas?"

"May I walk you to your door? More importantly, do you put out after the first date?"

"This wasn't a date."

"I bought you a meal and I was very charming."

"You took me to McDonald's."

"I don't just take anyone to McDonald's. It's sacred ground to me."

"I don't know why but I believe that."

"I am trying to impress."

"Because you seem to want to think that this is a date."

"Am I not your type?"

"Nailed it in one."

"What is your type these days? Emphasis on the present, please. That Danny was a clitoris shrinker."

"Yeah, well, Cook, for all his charms, did nothing for mine."

Throughout coffee and the walk to Katie's flat, the two women continued to discuss the ghosts from recent past. Their comparisons revealed that between the two, it was Effy who has had the stable relationship, whereas Katie's longest one lasted about three months.

"And that's counting from the day you met. You really took on that serial monogamy thing."

"I wasn't always monogamous, though. Not that I cheated intentionally, just, stuff happens when you're wasted. I'm sure you remember."

"So you've never made it past the honeymoon phase?"

"Exactly. Good plan, too. Sample the goods and get out before things get too heavy."

"Like relationship ADHD."

"Hey, it works."

"Until when, though?"

"I'm getting relationship advice from Effy Stonem. I must have stepped into a portal to an alternate universe."

"I've never and I mean never worked so hard on a first date before, so you're not the only one out of depth here."

"Again, not a date. You want to come in?" Katie asked as she opened her flat door.

"Smooothhh, Fitch. Yes, I do."

"Tea?"

Effy raised an eyebrow. Surely there was something stronger in Katie's cupboard.

Katie replied, "You are driving, yes?"

"I was hoping to drive home AFTER breakfast."

"Enough. This isn't a date. We are friends. The kind without extra benefits."

Effy sat on the counter as Katie started making tea for both of them. "You, Fitch, are uncomfortable with being pursued, aren't you?" She hopped off and decided to investigate the contents of the kitchen, starting with the cupboard directly above Katie's head which, of course, meant that she was standing behind Katie a little too closely. "You're much more comfortable with doing the pursuing. I should have figured that out sooner. Explains why you came on so strong about everything back then."

Katie looked up at her with a mixture of annoyance and amusement, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Feeling peckish, rooting for food. What did you think I was doing?"

"Bumping my ass with your crotch?"

"It was in the way."

"The logical place to start was the fridge."

"Not for crisps."

Katie maneuvered from under Effy and set down their drinks on her dining table. Effy continued the charade of opening cupboards here and there. "Why do you have tons of olive oil?"

"For my hair. Why don't you sit down? Not on my lap." She finished by gesturing on the chair next to hers.

"Forceful. Kinda your comfort zone."

"I take after my mum."

"How is the original Fitch Bitch?"

"She's fine. How's Anthea?"

"She's in Portugal, physically, at least."

Katie remembered enough about Effy's parents to prompt her to say, "Parents, they're all nuts."

Effy chuckled, "Yes, all of us are. When is it going to be your turn, Fitch? When are you joining our crazy ranks?"

Katie was silent for a while and then she said, "I guess good old Thomas never told Panda." She continued, "I can't join the asylum in the usual route. Shortly before that disaster with Brandy Bebeh the Brainless Bride, I was diagnosed with premature menopause. So If I do want to be a parent I can adopt, or acquire one from Emily. To be honest, I'm not sure it's what I want."

Effy let the news sink in. As soon as it did, an idea came to her, "I could help you decide that, if you'll let me."

"I suspect that I'm about to be drafted as a babysitter."

"You got so much smarter with age, Fitch! You'll be a genius by middle age!"

"Fuck you."

"I know you want to. And we can discuss that later. For now though I want discuss you spending some time with Alicia. Maybe it will help you figure out if you want one. It's a better way than what I had to do."

"Which was…"

"I had to fight for her, even while I wasn't sure that I wanted her or that I could take care of her. Tony's ex tried to get custody of her early on. She dropped her claim eventually."

"What made you decide on parenthood?"

"First, the fact that Tony trusted me. Second, being the direct casualty of terrible parenting, I at least have that as an enduring example of what not to do. Last and most convincing of all was Alicia herself. She'll walk on water someday. Or cure cancer. I'm sure of it."

"How do you know you can trust me with your kid?"

"Same way I knew back then that you didn't boss Emily around for the sake of being the alpha twin but because you wanted to protect her. Which was also the reason you tried to make her straight."

"And now you've reverted to your omniscient mode."

"You thought me hot in my omniscient mode."

"Oh, look, your tea is done -"

"Time to get naked?"

"No, I was trying to politely get you to leave."

"Tsk, manners, Fitch. So, next Saturday, what are you doing?"

"Laundry definitely, groceries probably, dinner and clubbing with friends, maybe."

"Book breakfast with Alicia and myself, at the same fine dining establishment we just went to."

"Breakfast at McDonald's on a weekend."

"Yes, with me and my daughter. Dress casually, leave your profanities at home."

"I think this is what the Americans call being shanghaied into something."

"I believe that is an outmoded expression that would be deemed racist in these modern times." Effy got up and started walking to the door. " You sure you won't change your mind about letting me stay the night? I promise it would be interesting."

"Woman, just go." Katie followed, unable to stop smiling at Effy's antics.

They reached the front door with Effy leading. Katie watched as her guest reached for the door knob and then made a 180 degree turn to rest her back against the door. She smirked at her reluctant hostess.

"What are you up to now?"

"You owe me a goodbye kiss, I think."

Since her previous reactions obviously have not been enough to make Effy drop the joke, Katie decided to fight fire with fire. She smirked back and said, "It wouldn't be fair to ruin you for other women, Skinny."

"I seriously doubt you have what it takes to back up that statement, Shrew."

"Are you really going to use that preschool technique on me?"

"What should concern you more is that I'm really not moving. Not until I get a proper kiss."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Other than being made to wait by a tease?" Effy paused and tilted her head a bit in an exaggerated attempt at conveying that a new idea has occurred to her. "Or maybe you're scared that I'll find you a sloppy kisser this time around? Did you not age well in that regard?" Effy knew that she needed only access the version of herself that Katie knew at Roundview to truly wind Katie up. She was far too curious about the other woman to stop and either question her motives or think of consequences.

Katie stepped forward, closer and closer until their hips were touching. The truth was she was waiting for Effy to back down and withdraw the challenge.

At that point Effy was flushed with her back against the door, her smirk disappearing slowly as she realized that figuratively and almost literally, she and the fascinating Katie Fitch have painted themselves into a corner.

The first touch of their lips was gentle and tentative, the teasing beforehand long forgotten. Neither was prepared for how much emotion a simple, chaste kiss could elicit.

Katie started to pull back, but a whispered "No." from Effy stopped her as the taller woman put her hand on the twin's neck and leaned forward to their foreheads together.

"Eff... we shouldn't have...this could really mess things up."

"Or we could have something good." She planted slowly moved to kiss Katie on the cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, Fitch, whatever else we could be, I want to be in your life, and I want you in mine."

Katie searched Effy's eyes for any sign of insincerity. She took Effy's hand from her neck, held it in her own, and tried to make light of their situation, "so, no meaningless fucks, then? 'Cause I was a bit curious about what they would be like."

Effy kept her eyes on Katie's and softly shook her head no. Everything else that she didn't dare say, she hoped that her eyes conveyed. She hoped Katie felt it too, this growing thing, this promise holding them, moving them closer and closer.

"you should go."

"I should." Effy said as she looked at their joined hands. She leaned forward and initiated another kiss, longer this time.

Katie saw her struggle to slow down mirrored in Effy's face.

"Can I call you later? To finalize our plans for Saturday?"

"You better, Skinny."


	14. Chapter 13 Want AD ahead

ATTENTION FELLOW KEFFY SHIPMATES: Due to this pesky thing called life (and no surprise to those who notice the chasm between updates), I am faced with the following options: a) end this fic with this chapter or b) collaborate with someone (details hashed out over Pms and emails. We can maybe take turns doing chapters. Might give the story jagged edges, but at least it will live)

To those few who have alerts on this story and added it to their list of favorites, thank you so very much.

To those who reviewed, I hope karma comes back to you with a big warm hug. The kind you want to get on a winter morning. May God in all her awesome glory,bless you with...awesomeness.

Chapter 13

"Are you freaking out?"

"No. Are you?"

"It's good that neither of us is freaking out."

Katie chuckled. "It would be even better if both of us weren't lying."

Brash, honest, and brave Katie. Effy decided it was her turn to step up to the plate. "I don't want to pretend it didn't happen."

When the other woman didn't say anything, Effy continued, "And should it come to it, I demand that any rejection of me occur only after proper sampling of my goods."

"Did you really just say that?"

"Worse. I really meant it. I mean, sexual prowess could be my best attribute. And it would be unfair for you to dump me before you've... we've..."

"Sampled each other's goods."

"Yes."

"Friends with benefits, then?"

Initially, Effy thought, but even she knew that it would be too much to say that now. "You sure your harem wouldn't mind?"

"That's a good point. You would scare some of them off. How do I know you're worth that?"

"Would you like a list of references?"

"Yes, I think I would."

"I could drive back there right now."

"You can't. I already made a booty call and she's on her way."

"Tsk. How long ago did you make that call? Maybe you can cancel."

"I'd rather not. She already accused me of being a tease once or twice."

"What's she like?"

"Sexy, smart, thinks she's mysterious."

"She could be trouble."

"Oh, she is. Practically scared a barrista out of her wits by pretending to be a TV character."

"Maybe I should make my own booty call. There's this feisty brunette with a lisp I've been thinking a lot about. I think she wouldn't mind sampling my goods."

"Maybe she thinks your goods are better sampled by others."

"Hmmm... Spreading the booty... like sexual altruism."

Katie gave a throaty laugh which Effy soon answered with one of her own. "We could start a new charity and call it that."

"Think of the tax breaks that kind of venture would get."

A comfortable silence followed the laughter.

Katie asked, "How are things in the homefront?"

"Crowded with toys, clothes... they took home everything but the sales people. That reminds me, Saturday morning, the same Mickey D's we went to. Dress casually, bring an extra shirt. Leave the profanities at home."

"Anything else?"

"How far along do you put out after the second date?"

"Wow, from maternal to mental in less than sixty seconds."

"I can multitask like that. I am a very modern woman."

"You are a very mental woman."

"Right now, I am a minimally dressed woman."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to hang up now, Eff."

"Katie." Effy hoped it sounded like a reproach rather than a plea.

"Katie?"

"Yeah?" A soft, wary voice answered.

"I wasn't...I'm not going to, you know... I...it feels right knowing you're there. That you haven't hung up. No heavy breathing from my end, promise. Not tonight. Unless you want to."

Katie could see in her mind how Effy changed from hesitant to mischievous. It didn't take a degree in psychology to see how the famous Stonem brain could use humor to build an emotional fortress.

"Not tonight. Headache."

"Of course."

"I'm not hanging up. I may think about it, but I won't. I'll take my chances."  
"Thank you, Katie."

"Don't thank me yet, Stonem. I've been told that on occasion, I snore like a lumberjack."

"I told you, Princess."

"No... it was Cook."

"Take some gingko biloba, babes."

The gentle teasing was later followed by comforting silence that was ended only when slumber couldn't be kept away.

"Night, Eff."

"Night, K. I'll talk to you soon."


End file.
